The farewell he deserved.
A perfect Celebration of Life, full of laughter and tears, the best eulogy I’ve ever heard – a collection of remembrances/tributes from multiple family members and friends, even his 7 year-old goddaughter/niece Nora.
It’s been 5 months since Danny’s death by suicide, and November past, President’s Day weekend in St. Simons designated as the time for the celebration of his life and saying goodbye.
Turning into a ‘Destination Funeral’, kind of like a wedding weekend – without the groom.
And like a wedding, also a family reunion, with strong representation from both families, along with lots of friends – past and present.
A lot of fun, but balanced with grief inducing moments – kind of like our past 5 months.
Our family arrived Tuesday and Wednesday, floods of folks arriving on Friday, departures Sunday/Monday.
Family dinners each night, with lots of friend drop ins.
The first ‘formal’ family only activity scattering his ashes on the beach at Friday morning sunrise.
An interesting ritual: “A personal and ceremonial way to remember someone, can symbolize letting go of grief, or freedom”. Which was the focus of my ‘pre-scattering comments’, letting Danny know we were releasing him – but asking him to release us from our grief and to go on with our lives – as best we can.
The whole cremation/ashes thing a bit creepy. He sat in a box in the middle bedroom for a few months, didn’t say much, but we had the occasional chat. I swear he nodded.
But worse, the ashes didn’t look a thing like him.
Our grandson Charlie carried the ‘box’, leading the crew single file to the beach, where post my remarks, each of the 7 grandchildren scattered a cup of Danny into the ocean.
I scattered my cup on the beach, reminding him he never really liked the beach – that would teach him.
He loved SSI, the weekend activities his local favorites.
Saturday a Southern Soul catered drop-in luncheon at our home – he loved the pork plate with Brunswick.
We are grateful to Emily, Stephanie, Melanie and Kathy for all their work.
Sunday at Palm Coast, a lunch place with great beers, and significant family meals and memories over the years. We’d meet Dan there whenever he came to visit, his a Cubano and a Tropicalia.
The Celebration of Life a collection of family and friend remembrances, each coming at Dan from a different angle, forming a complete picture of someone much loved. Which we knew he knew, but it clearly wasn’t enough…
Followed by lunch and beverages, and more friend and family time. A shout out and thanks to John, Julie, Laura and Jonathon, for making it work.
As an aside, everyone has their time to cry over loss: Mine finally Sunday morning as I posted my Farewell…
An amazing weekend, my lingering impression: LOVE.
Everyone says “I love you” now, which can be jarring for someone who rarely told their parents.
We’ve always said it within the immediate family, but it’s now everywhere.
Which I think I like.
Our granddaughter Nora wrote “All you need is love” on the kitchen chalkboard – pretty accurate.
And today, I recalled Dan’s “Love is an action verb” reminder, also pretty accurate.
As we process life without Dan, a few closing thoughts:
Cousin Jennie eulogized: “The best family in heaven and on earth”, lending their family death reaction.
I’m waiting for him to (re)appear and say he’s OK – as my Mother described with her brother and father.
Perhaps God’s wisest design was inventing death, because without it, we’d take our lives and loved ones for granted.
I love you son. See you on the other side.
Peace.
For 278 more posts like this –each with a wish for more love– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.
ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:
A reader sent me ‘Hold Onto Love’ by Jesse Manibusan, talking about the power of love in the face of adversity. I’ve added it to the BATN playlist.
A reminder: Beers at the Nifty 2024 is now available on Amazon.com. Every BATN post from last year in one convenient place. Only $12.99!
Our prayers and thoughts have gone out to the whole beautiful bunch! and having lost both of my sisters their husbands and a close close “sister/niece” and even our dog! Sweet Marley within- 3 year span Grief and I are now close friends. Healing of course comes and grief becomes a part of your life but it is like a color in a watercolor painting and almost disappears only emerge a different shade on another piece of the art.
We will continue to hold your family close in Love.
It was a wonderful, touching celebration of life. We loved seeing and meeting the family and friends. I would think that Danny would have been pleased.
Thank you for including us
I have been heavy hearted over Danny’s passing, even though I didn’t know him personally, I do know you and Mary Beth….so I kinda felt like I knew him and I know he was a great son, brother and friend. I am terribly sorry I could not attend last Sunday, but one of my daughter in laws (Amber) mother (Debbie) was admitted to the hospital in Warner Robbins and Trey and Amber dashed up there to see her as she was in critical condition…..she has a number if medical issues…..so of course they needed a babysitter and I’m it!!! So I had little Audrey at 18 months old and just didn’t feel it was fitting for me to bring the busyness of our little Audrey to Danny’s celebration….sooooo I hope you got that message!! I took Mary Beth and Merry Lee to lunch on Wednesday to celebrate Danny’s life, my way of making sure Mary Beth knew I loved you both and deeply care about everything you’ve been thru…In retrospect, .I guess I should have sent home a 6 pack of beer for you so you’d get the love too. Anyway I did learn that you have a book published on Amazon so I purchased it and sent to a friend who needs some cheering up while they undergo radiation treatment. Y’all are in my thoughts and prayers, I sure hope your fond memories of Danny will bring you comfort in the coming days and months ahead. Love y’all!!!
It was a lovely weekend. Your friends and family felt Danny’s presence throughout.
Peace