DANNY CHESS (1990-2024)

Last week was what Danny did.

This week is who Danny was.

I begin with a correction: I was counseled last week was about what happened to him, depression now categorized as a disease, so he “died by suicide”.

An appropriate revision, given the mental health epidemic – if you’re having trouble, talk to someone.

And an additional apology: This post is for me, but you’re welcome to read along…

Danny was an exceptional kid.

The youngest by 4 years, the gift from my brother Dan’s death, My Captor and I resolving to have another child at his funeral.

I knew we’d have a boy – I weirdly knew what each of our children would be, which made negotiating kid names easy – and also knew our next child would be a boy, which made My Captor declare celibacy.

Upon announcing to the other 5 children My Captor was expecting, our oldest asked “Aren’t there enough of us already?”

He loved sports: the Braves, GA football, and Georgetown basketball.

Before the Hoyas fell into complete disrepair, we took annual home game trips, the favorites: Historically trouncing Syracuse, Trouncing Duke and heading into 8 inches of snow, Beating Pitt for the Big East title, and the Big East tourney in NY – alternating basketball and pizza. And pizza. And pizza.

A brother noted he might be the last true Hoya fan.

My favorite Christmas gift, the year he wrote his 5 favorite games we’d attended memories: Some were losses, but had personal twists, the clear favorite the Big East tourney.

He was at GA’s OT national title game loss to Alabama, which unfortunately fit his view of the world.

I got his ’21 Braves WS Champion hat – has Soler’s HR landed yet?

He knew betting lines, how they were set – his brother had to check a line for the first time in years.

He really knew sports trivia – even the ’90 Braves starting line-up. That’s trivia! Recall, he was born in ’90, they lost 100…

He loved Harry Potter – along with his sister – and knew HP trivia like the ’90 Braves.

A personal regret: We talked about visiting Harry Potter world, never did.

Something got in the way … a cautionary tale that.

He asked ‘intentional’ questions, really listened to the answers.

Supremely confident in his opinions, but engaging in discussion. Respectfully. A model for political discourse.

And he was into politics, but in limited quantities. Another model for political discourse…

He gave the best hugs…

Dressing ‘comfortably’, his brother outfitting him for big occasions, My Captor ‘noticing’ his ragged jeans.

He later looked ‘like an adult’ with a haircut and a collared shirt at AAMCO.

Family ‘Dan childhood’ memories: Setting family records (had to be there), Pretending to drive, his love of keys, talking to adults.

He loved music, an early Spotify adopter. A favorite memory: playing Spotify roulette -alternating song choices – and today’s music selections are his choices from that night.

Unfortunately, he became addicted to opioids, checking into rehab in 2013. He was successful, and June 9^th – the day he checked in – became “Chess Easter”, a day to celebrate rebirth and personal growth.

His sister called him a ‘gentle giant’.

Those who knew him would describe him as a sweet soul who cared about others.

Particularly his nephews and nieces.

And his family.

Who miss him terribly.

Doing ‘better’ every day – understanding it never gets ‘better’, but will one day be different.

Sustained by our memories of him, and the outpouring of love and support we’ve received.

A final measure of his family’s love: No one angry with him for this – understanding he ‘didn’t fit’ here.

But I’m haunted by the unanswerable question snapping my eyes open at 2A: What could I have done to prevent this?

For 250 more posts like this –each with a wish for mental health– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two. And a wish for our power to be restored from
Helene – at a friend’s house who got their power back, so post slightly delayed, But out!

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

These are the songs Dan selected during our ‘Spotify Roulette’ session: ‘High Dive’ Andrew McMahon, ‘Pretend you love me’ and ‘Too young to burn’ Sunny and the Sunsets,  ‘Altogether now’ Patrick and Eugene, ‘Call me irresponsible’ Bobby Darin, ‘Don’t give up on me’ and ‘Fast train’ Solomon Burke. I was particularly impressed by the last 2 choices.

For two great notes to Dan, check out chessdmatt and emilygcberry on Instagram (I wish I knew how to link to them, but a relative Luddite). Both posts feature a great picture of Dan. And both are posts I wish I’d written – beautiful treatments of a beautiful man.