I finally cut the cord.

Not on any of our children – that cord cutting thing seemed barbaric, and part of what we were paying the doctor for.

But we finally ditched Xfinity. Or Comcast. Or Apu’s Fabulous Internet Service in parts of Montana – whatever they’re calling themselves now.

While I know your most hated cable provider is your current one, I’d had enough.

And I’ve watched all our children cut the cable cord, and I wanted to “Feel the wind in my (remaining) hair”, or something like that.

It began with internet, which we switched to a new local fiber provider, seemingly better than Xfinity/Comcast’s string and tin can set-up, but I’m sure issues ahead…I just know there’ll come a day when they bury their cord in our yard.

But thought I’d start there and convert to YouTube TV one day, completely Xfinitying out of the picture.

Then on to the ‘Mumbai Gauntlet’ dealing with Xfinity customer service – somebody Gandhi helping me – cheerfully canceling our service, easily an excruciating 20 minute process.

Didn’t work. Checked our bill a few days later. Still a customer.

Back to the 1-800 #, the distended human voice and clicking keys in the background – I guess checking their crypto portfolio while offloading me to a text exchange with someone named Patel – who cheerfully canceled my service after 20 excruciating minutes.

Except they didn’t. Still a customer.

The 3rd time was both a charm and an Old Man Rant, but only after Kumar called me back and cheerfully canceled my service after 20 excruciating minutes.   

And while ranting, I threw in cheerfully canceling our cable service.

This time it took.

But it was tough – not like what a ‘Young Person’ would go through to cancel, it’d be easier for them.

Everything is easier for them.

We never had the modern conveniences ‘young people’ (Shakes Fist Angrily!) have:

We drove/drive our own cars – there was no Uber back in the day. And Kids Today! Are so lazy, now with self-driving cars!

We drove to Sears to shop, or the A&P – there was no Amazon or Door Dash.

We keep our money in a coffee can buried in the yard, no online banking. 

And I fear ‘Young People’ aren’t fooled by ‘temporary memberships’ or scams like I’ve been.

Apparently the US Army doesn’t have a 60-day trial period – it was the worst 4 years of my life. But I do look good with a buzz cut.

And I know I should never share my social security number, but the fellow from the ISR – I would have thought he knew where he worked, but close enough – seemed so helpful with the tax problems I didn’t even know I had, that I shared it with him.

While the resulting identity theft is a bit of a drag, it’s great knowing there are 3 or 4 more mes out there, helping others with tax issues. Hopefully one of them can take the jury duty I’m apparently about to miss…

And while the ‘deepfake’ videos of me on the internet are mildly embarrassing, it’s also great to be a ‘Man’s Man’ for a change.

So we’re now watching Hallmark movies on YouTube TV, and while we love the monthly savings, there is a mild bit of ‘Xfinity buyer’s remorse’.

We miss the voice remote, and only have a YouTube icon, adding about 30 clicks on our journey to Hallmark happy endings, but have just ordered Tandoori Chicken and Curry Chicken from DoorDash to eat while we watch a cricket test match, so all’s right again.

For 275 more posts like this –each with a wish for faster internet– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

I enjoy a good Barr Brothers tune, and have added 5 songs to the BATN playlist: ‘Never been a captain’ ‘Song that I heard’ ‘You would have to lose your mind’ ‘Come in the water’ ‘Even the darkness has arms’. They are American brothers whose band was formed in Montreal. 2006-present. Mellow stuff.

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