Amnesia cures a lot of problems.
But to avoid being labeled a ‘memory ableist’, perhaps I should say ‘Convenient Forgetting’ solves a lot of problems.
We conveniently forget lots of things that make life easier: That car we backed into in the parking lot, did we really give a penny when we took a penny, and any time our children ask about our recreational drug use history.
Convenient forgetting is a critical skill for all phases of child rearing.
Unfortunately, for parents under the age of 35 the internet may not let you forget.
Pair that with today’s focus on ‘misinformation’ – essentially anything you or the Government doesn’t agree with – and you have real air cover for convenient forgetting and/or our misdeeds.
“But Twitter said…” is a viable excuse for just about anything: Forgetting the 7th Covid booster, joining a militia instead of volunteering for a non-profit, or in some parts of the country, marrying your cousin.
And technology will make forgetting our mistakes even easier.
If the IPhone can now undo a text, what other hurtful things and/or past indiscretions can it undo?
Could it help me remember my Sophomore year of college?
Remind me what I came in the kitchen for?
Remove that Shakespeare tattoo I got when I was thinking about joining the neighborhood book club?
Humans are a resourceful bunch – and most resourceful in the service of self-destruction.
Particularly when trying to shift blame – being the only mammal to worry more about excuse making, than doing the right thing.
“He/She did it” lets the world know you’re just an innocent bystander. Used frequently during childhood to finger our siblings, made more effective with a finger point and fake tears. I used it so often against my older brother, neither parent felt safe being alone with him.
White collar criminals have made it an art form, with the ‘plea deal’. Followed by the ‘book deal’.
“I’m the victim, here”, adds a “You need to feel sorry for me” on top of “They did it”.
Variations include: My safe space doesn’t feel safe; I’m not underachieving, you smoked during pregnancy; And the all-time parent’s mantra: What’s that teacher’s problem?
With each stage of life presenting new opportunities for “It’s not my fault”:
Children can use a hastily drawn picture – with their name written backward – to turn anger into “Isn’t that cute? He crayoned on the walls!”
As a little leaguer, after losing one’s mitt: “My brother was supposed to be watching it”.
Teens can wave away bad grades or speeding tickets with “Have you forgotten how acne medicine made you hallucinate?”
As a college student: “More time!”. Which we will plead again as we near the end…
In middle age, “Poor me, I’ve had to work so much lately”, can get one off the hook for playing golf all weekend.
And as I age, I have the added defense of being partially deef – Did I forget? Or not hear you?
Even animals shift blame – our dog had a recent in-house ‘accident’ and gave a paw point at the baby.
Convenient forgetting and blame shifting are powerful tools – for both good and bad.
The bad, when we mis-apply it to our own lives, in the truths we hide from ourselves.
The good, when applied to our relationships: accepting responsibility, and forgetting the little things that make our partners crazy, the mistakes of omission – and commission, and just about anything else that can take a relationship off track.
Because if we can conveniently forget the little things, we get to savor the big things.
For 153 more posts like this –each with something I can’t remember– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.
Or, at the site, leave a comment on this post, and then check the box that says “Please notify me of future posts” and you will be sent the newest Sunday update automatically.
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Or just forward this to everyone you know. Forward it to those you aren’t fond of twice.
TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENTOF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING MUSIC:
Luna is a great ‘90s band, soon to release a new album. Dean Wareham is the lead and they’ve been labeled the “best band you’ve never heard of”. Check out Pup Tent and Penthouse.
The song below has one of my favorite rock lines of all time, which I’ve highlighted.
Bobby Peru Luna
I told lies to your family
Concerning your whereabouts
They feel so sorry for me
I invented jealous stories
My imagination ran wild
I made myself so angry
The night that you insulted me
I lay awake thinking
Clever things I could have said
My thoughts kept turning to Bobby Peru
How would he handle this one
‘S’ is for sorry for all that I did
Now is the time to turn it all around
I know what is the matter so why can’t I fix it
Forgive me please
I had lunch with an old girlfriend
Who knows all my faults
And pretends to want to help
She said I really don’t mind
Your keeping secrets from me
But please don’t keep them from yourself
Murder is bad, and suicide is sad
Why would a girl like that put her head in the oven?
You have your theories, and I got one too
It’s such a waste I told lies to your family
Concerning your whereabouts
They feel so sorry for me
I invented jealous stories
My imagination ran wild
I made myself so angry
The night that you insulted me
I lay awake thinking
Clever things I could have said
My thoughts kept turning to Bobby Peru
How would he handle this one
‘S’ is for sorry for all that I did
Now is the time to turn it all around
I know what is the matter so why can’t I fix it
Forgive me please