CHIT CHAT

Cold enough for you?

Weather small talk, most effective with the closest of friends, or the strangest of strangers.

Asked of me on my beach walk today, moments after the very chilly breeze picked up and the sun went behind a cloud – my answer “Yes”.  Just being polite though, since I’m the only walker in shorts.

I also added, “Colder on Monday I hear”, and we both nodded. Knowingly. And walked on.

If I’d thought quicker, I’d have added that Thursday was the anniversary of our 4-inch snowfall.

Weather chatter everywhere this week, given the mammoth storm Fern heading across the country. Storm names now vindictively named for Jim Cantore’s old girlfriends.  

A continuation of the very cold national winter, which has two killing benefits: The bugs, making summer more enjoyable, and any talk of climate change.

But I’m sure both will be back… for now though, I’m stopping construction of our sea wall.

As an aside, amazing what we believe our phone’s weather predictive capabilities to be, even down to the wind’s MPH forecast – but I will admit the new IOS update handles spam calls beautifully.

But the new update must have a ‘wife setting’ – my phone now urging me to eat more protein, organize my closet, and solving problems I didn’t even know I had.

Small talk a valuable social skill, which I’m not particularly good at.

Part of the issue is topics: What’s appropriate with a stranger? Or even a family member?

Choose carefully on politics and religion – and in the South, college football.

Theoretically, weather a safe topic – I’m ready for summer, with “Hot enough for you?” – but can lead one to hurricanes and FEMA, which gets you back to politics, so beware.

I don’t even small talk much during my hair-cuts – and it’s my son-in-law doing the cut. But occasionally he’ll yell “How ‘bout those Dolphins”, which works better in November than July.

My father-in-law wasn’t much of a small talker either, and the silence frightened me when I was dating My Captor. Every now and then I’d shout “How ‘bout those Bears”?, which worked better in November than July.

But Indiana football has been a safe topic – despite having more alums than any other school, I only know 2 IU grads. And how much fun is it to say Fernando Mendoza?

Pets can be a good topic, but beware of cat people – even when you’re not small talking.

Television and movies possible topics, but if you run into a Fox or CNN – or whatever they’re calling MSNBC now –viewer, you’re back into politics.

TV streaming a frustrating topic, as I end up with 14 new show recommendations, added to my current 39 unwatcheds.

Movies a rich topic, as you mutually try and recall the last time you actually saw a film in the theatre.

And never ask a woman if she’s pregnant – even if she’s in labor. Learned that one the hard way.

Asking “Do you have Ice”? at a convenience store used to be so straightforward…

But maybe it’s not just topics that are the issue -maybe it’s me. Perhaps I don’t have the patience to focus on small talk. My Captor much better at it, making friends on the beach, and wherever she goes.

But those who can’t do, teach.

Think of this post as your small talk primer, hopefully preparing you for your next awkward stranger interaction.

How ‘bout those Dawgs? Always a good ice-breaker…

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

Yin Yin, stylized as YĪN YĪN, is a Dutch band formed in Maastricht, influenced by psychedelia, funk, disco and Southeast Asian music. An odd stew that sounds good.