My Captor an amazing cook, an even better baker.
She’s totally intuitive, cooking to smell and appearance, not by time. She’ll vary a recipe, a confident baker, a confident cook.
Though weirdly, she’ll ask “Is it OK?” when I’m in the ‘tasting phase’. Which it always is.
But even she can’t bake the same cake or cookie every time – there are always subtle differences.
That thought crossed my mind after spending the Thanksgiving holidays with our 2 daughters and their families, in Charlotte for Thanksgiving and Alexandria after. Two of their brothers joined for Thanksgiving.
Four unique children, no two the same.
And while I think My Captor bakes the same way each time, I thought we parented the same way with each child, and they should be roughly the same, right? Right?
But another thought crossed my mind: What do baking and parenting have in common?
It begins with prep: Baking involving hot oil, kneading dough, and lots of butter.
Throw in a couple of Budweisers, and that was how we prepared for Saturday night procreation.
Once the ‘bun is in the oven’, both involve patience while the treat cooks – fortunately, the oven never has a month where it gains 12 pounds, leading to a distressed phone call.
Once the treat/baby is ready for delivery, one must put on oven mitts to pull it/them out – which I think is why our kids have those weird marks on their ears…
Then the output should sit and cool for a while, which for a baked good’s relatively consistent, but varies greatly for children – depending upon where they are in birth order: The oldest child making multiple trips to the doctor for ‘imagined’ illnesses, the youngest “tough it out – the bleeding will stop soon.”
Eventually the baked goods might end up being refrigerated, which we only did with our first 3 children, on a recommendation by the CDC.
Frequently – My Captor’s Christmas coffee cakes a great example – we bring baked goods to friends, which tends to get a better reaction than when we brought our children to ‘see’ them.
And no one ever believes you “forgot Junior” as you drive away – or almost away.
But a key difference between baking and parenting is recipes – there are thousands of cookbooks, but very few “How to Parent” guides.
Effective parenting guides, that is.
An honest parental guide book would say it’s 50% love and attention, 50% birth order and 50% luck.
Birth order influencing not just children, but parents as well.
The second child much less supervised than the oldest, and by the time we got to our 6th time and fatigue – and don’t tell the kids, indifference – took over.
The oldest child never taking their nap in their car seat on the way to a baseball game or school play, the youngest just hoping their parents get their name and birthdate right.
And the two sisters alike, but different. One laid back, getting to it when she gets to it, the other more buttoned down.
But in their different styles, both excellent mothers.
And their families alike, but different.
The Alexandria group all 7+, staying up later, playing a lot of sports – we saw 6 basketball games in 2 days – and not crying.
The Charlotte group all 7-, two in pre-school, very interested in holiday lawn inflatables – a daily walk to the house with multiple turkeys – and in bed by 7.
But all fine children.
So, what makes for effective parenting?
After 6 children I’ve no clue – but if moist baked goods are best, maybe it’s just proper hydration…
For 264 more posts like this –each with a wish for a meat thermometer– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.
ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:
The New Pornographers one of my favorite bands, with Neko Case’s solo work great as well. I’ve saved 11 songs to the BATN playlist: ‘Pontius Pilate’s Home Movies’ ‘Continue As a guest’ ‘High Ticket Attractions’ ‘Play Money’ ‘Whiteout Conditions’ ‘Angelcover’ ‘Falling down the stairs of your smile’ ‘Mass Romantic’ ‘Sing me spanish techno’ ‘Avalanche Alley’ ‘The bleeding heart show’. Enjoy.
I agree fully with your observations and comparisons…and the birth order differences. So many similarities in my kids (I never know which son I’m talking with on the phone until they state their name and rank), but complete individuals. I have recently learned that when their parents are gone, they will unite and care for each other, which is hard to believe after the many years of taunting and punching as children. How blessed I am…and grateful to God for the opportunity TO parent. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Jim.