The year went so fast.
The year went so slow.
At times, feeling like we were in suspended animation. Trying to enjoy the milestone dates – Your birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas – as opposed to just surviving them.
The family making an effort to be together for as many of those as possible, company loving misery – but misery in controlled, small doses: Happy and sad in alternating waves.
And if not together, on the phone, remembering the good times.
Thankfully, the good times a healing memory salve.
I’ve said this was like a ‘bomb going off in the family’, and stand by that.
The brothers who lived with you taking it worst, requiring nearly the entire year to process their grief, but seemingly good now.
Your sisters and Oakland brother, their advantage having families to sustain, each coming to terms with your departure, moving forward.
And their spouses, frequently overlooked in the ‘grief rubble’, also grieving you, while nobly supporting their spouses and families.
My Captor and I so lucky to have each other through the year – not sure either of us could have done this alone.
And while this is my post, and my remembrance of our Danny boy, I’m very aware that we’ve all lost someone we love – we are not alone.
It’s been uplifting to hear your stories, the approaches to your recoveries.
Some loss horrible, some ‘just’ miserable.
The miserable those who’ve had the chance to live a full life and achieve what they were placed on this earth for.
The horrible those who die before their time, leaving their loved ones to wonder what might have been.
Danny definitely the second category.
But if God created death to ensure we don’t take this life and our loved ones for granted, He also intended it as a ‘learning lesson’.
In that spirit, what have we learned this year?
The most obvious, the healing power of friends and family. We’ve been reminded daily how lucky we are to have each other, and all of you. My Captor saying “We have more friends than we ever imagined”.
The ‘Dead Son Effect’, my way of labeling things that have happened that might not have otherwise – invitations from friends, catch up phone calls – you can imagine. Basically, people moved to act instead of just think.
SAY THEIR NAME! It’s important to keep talking about the departed, helping to keep them alive.
The power of little acts of kindness. Never underestimate how far random acts of kindness can take your relationships, or a stranger’s day. Even just saying hello…
The power of life. Realizing we’ve been lucky enough to be given another day, we honor God – and ourselves – by making the most of it. Enjoy every moment while you can. If you take any of this for granted, you ain’t paying attention…
The little moments the toughest…I’m angry at Danny today because he’s not here to talk about the GA game.
But I’ve also spent a year unsuccessfully trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.
Frustratingly, commend him to God, heaven, wherever… I just want him here.
And if not permanently, how about for lunch – even just a phone call?
I understand this is part of God’s plan, but like millions before me trying to rationalize the unimaginable, I wonder why we were picked for this assignment.
If it’s because “We could handle it”, I can do without those types of compliments, thank you.
Understanding God’s plan aside, we know Danny’s gone because “he didn’t fit here’, even though he knew how loved he was.
But the ultimate learning:
Reminded daily of the power of getting out of bed and living our lives, in the belief that’s the best tribute to Danny – and what he would have wanted for us.