A MOMENT, PLEASE

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

My Dad’s most useful advice when he dropped me at College.

Not that his other advice wasn’t helpful:

 “Wear one of these when you’re getting serious with a girl”, handing me a new collared shirt so I’d look nice;

“Just because a bail bondsman is first in the Yellow Pages, doesn’t make them the best – do your research”;

“Stay true to yourself – we love you, and your new friends will too”.

He was a wise man. And I was just stupid enough that it took me a long time to realize just how wise.

I also gave the ‘mirror advice’ when I dropped our kids at College, and their blank looks confirmed that I had really given them something to think about.

The mirror thing came back to me after we completed the ‘grandchild/inmate gauntlet’, and I realized that although the details of our amazing time together would fade with time, the memory would remain close.

Though for Queenie, her memories of holding Hugh, and giving him his bottle, will be ones that never fade – nor will mine of watching her enjoyment, this ‘baby stage’ being her favorite, coupled with the knowledge that it could be our last.

It reminded that while our lives are ultimately a blur that smacks us upside the head, it is the moments – big and little – we savor, that give life meaning.

I love attending weddings hosted by close friends, and telling them “This is one of the best days of your lives, have a blast”.

I’ve also done it with couples we don’t know well, and their blank looks confirmed that I’d really given them something to think about. I’d hear them asking “Who was that guy?” as I walked away, confirming thoughts provoked.

Days like those are easy to spot as moments that will never leave us – but what if we knew that we were experiencing ‘life moments’ as they happened?

Who knew when My Captor picked me up in the Tally Ho by buying me a beer and a Chili Dog that she’d never be able to get rid of me? Not to brag, but I was wearing a very nice collared shirt that night.

Imagine if our lives were on video, like an episode of the Office? And we could revisit our life moments, enjoying them on rewind.

Before you make that choice, ensure you control the final edit…

As an aside, I hope the upside of dementia will be the ability to time travel through our memories. Or our ‘desired memories’ – I’ll be having a beer at the Nifty with my Dad and PJ.

While our recent ‘Queenie and Pa time’ will forever be a treasured memory, how will it be remembered by the ‘Inmates’?

They are too young to someday recall the details, but we hope their time with us becomes a part of their ‘Queenie and Pa memory tapestry’.

If we remember that life’s interactions are two-way recollections, we’d make an effort to ensure those moments are positive.

That’s easy with family or friends, or for ‘shared interests’, like the recent Braves WS or UGA title, when sharing the outcome was better than the outcome itself.

But what of our daily, random interactions?

Maybe your “Good morning” to a stranger, or wave to a fellow beach walker, helps make their day a little brighter.

And they pass it along…

The just stupid enough me now gets why my Father had a smile and a kind word for everyone we saw at the store, Church – -wherever.  

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Stardust  Hoagy Carmichael

One of the greatest songs ever written. So many incredible artists, including Nat King Cole, Sinatra, Artie Shaw, John Coltrane, Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson…

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend
The lonely night dreaming of a song
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you

When our love was new
And each kiss an inspiration
But, but that was long ago
Now my consolation is in the stardust of a song

Beside the garden wall, When stars are bright, you are in my arms
The nightingale, tells his fairytale, Of paradise, where roses grew

Though I dream in vain, In my heart it will remain
My stardust melody, The memory of love’s refrain

Though I dream in vain
In my heart it will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of love’s refrain

Old Photographs   Mark Eitzel

Old photographs, Black and white convictions
I remember the way you were facing this restriction
Old pieces of paper, Memories to fight over
Self-interest and loss, There’s nothing to remember

We tried to look back, We never told your family
Nothing to keep back, We lived up to your memory

Sayonara, old Singapore, Dancing women in barrooms
Probably not around anymore
Tattoos of sinking ships, Silver, long bruised black
Some old photographs, Fixing history won’t get it back

Never told anyone, We never told the family
We tried to live up, To live up to your memory

I don’t believe in anything I ever said or did
The pain you kept buried
Life you kept hid, I live up to nothing
There’s nothing to live up to
Just a rage that’s buried, And a silence to live through

We never told anyone, We never told a soul
Never saw you get free
We lived up to your memory
We lived up to your memory

I don’t believe in anything
I ever said or did

All My Friends   Danny O’ Keefe

No matter who is dealing, It’s pretty much the same
Even when you’re losing, You’re still playing the game

And some will call your bluff, Some will call themselves friends
Some who don’t need you, Never call you again

They tell me all my friends are going to be strangers
They’ll come as they have gone
All my friends are going to be strangers
Travellin’ on, travellin’ on

Temporary heroes, With their pockets full of fame
In search of perfect women, With straight teeth and no last names

Who come on dressed in hunger, Looking for someone to bleed
Longing for a lover, Whose love is like their need

And though you are a stranger, You’ll always be a friend
We’re travelers on a highway, We may never ride again

I often smile and wonder, What each of us will do
We might get rich and famous
We could end up being strangers, too

Alzheimers  Joy Zipper

Why do I keep forgetting my name, Maybe it’s something I ate
What is this terrible thing coming over me?

Alzheimers

What was that terrible thing I ate, It tasted like Ivory soap
Why are my shoes in the refrigerator?

Why do I keep forgetting your name, Maybe I never liked you anyway
What is this terrible thing attached to my neck?

Alzheimers

Calling Cards  Neko Case

I used a calling card of a pay phone, From the other coast
Just to tell you how good it was to hear you, In those songs you wrote

They made me think there was something coming
Really something worth waiting for
Blah, blah, blah… they talk about, oh oh

Every dial tone, every truck stop, every heartbreak,
I love you more
Looking like you just woke up from making songs,
Shooting satellites that blew up the pay phones…
Singing we’ll all be together,
Even when we’re not together
With our arms around each other,
With our faith still in each other

I’ve got calling cards
From 20 years ago.

And a bang on the Ear  The Waterboys

(Much debate about the bang on the ear thing, but I believe it’s a Three Stooges homage)

Lindsay was my first love, She was in my class
I would have loved to take her out
But I was too shy to ask,

The fullness of my feeling, Was never made clear
But I send her my love, And a bang on the ear
Nora was my girl, When I first was in a group
I can still see her to this day, Stirring chicken soup
Now she’s living in Australia, Working for an auctioneer
But I send her my love
And a bang on the ear
Deborah broke my heart, And I the willing fool
I fell for her one summer, On the road to Liverpool
I thought it was forever
But it was over within the year (oh dear)
But I send her my love
And a bang on the ear
The home I made with Bella, Became a house of pain
We weathered it together, Bound by a ball and chain
It started up in Fife, It ended up in tears
But I send her my love
And a bang on the ear
Krista was a rover, From Canada she hailed
We crossed swords in San Francisco, We both lived to tell the tale
I don’t know now where she is, Oh, but if I had her here
I’d give her my love
And a bang on the ear
So my woman of the hearth fire, Harbor of my soul
I watch you lightly sleeping
I sense the dream that does unfold…like gold
You to me are treasure
You to me are dear
So I’ll give you my love
And a bang on the ear

The Alphabet Song  The Three Stooges

B-A-bay, B-E-bee, B-I-bicky-bi, B-O bo, bicky-bi bo, B-U bu, bicky bi bo bu.

C-A-cay, C-E-cee, C-I-cicky-ci, C-O co, cicky-ci co, C-U cu, cicky ci co cu.
D-A-day, D-E-dee, D-I-d***y-di, D-O do, d***y-di do, D-U du, d***y di do du.

F-A-fay, F-E-fee, F-I-ficky-fi, F-O fo, Ficky-fi fo, F-U fu, ficky fi fo fu.

Curly is a dope…

(Etc. You get the picture… And that wallpaper looks like Moe. It is Moe!)

Hello In There  John Prine

We had an apartment in the city, Me and Loretta liked living there
Well, it’d been years since the kids had grown
A life of their own, left us alone

John and Linda live in Omaha, And Joe is somewhere on the road
We lost Davy in the Korean war
And I still don’t know what for, don’t matter anymore

You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, “Hello in there, hello”

Me and Loretta, we don’t talk much more, She sits and stares through the back door screen
And all the news just repeats itself, Like some forgotten dream that we’ve both seen

Someday I’ll go and call up Rudy, We worked together at the factory
What could I say if he asks “What’s new?”
“Nothing, what’s with you? Nothing much to do”

You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, “Hello in there, hello”

So if you’re walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes
Please don’t just pass ’em by and stare
As if you didn’t care, say, “Hello in there, hello”