Each Saturday in December, we will share a Beers at the Nifty ‘Christmas classic’. Today’s post originally ran 12/25/2020, as Covid-19 was cancelling Christmas gatherings nationwide. Enjoy – see you tomorrow with “Merry Christmas, Lacey”.

Joseph and Mary, expecting their first child, are incredibly excited.

COVID is raging throughout the land – the 8th plague visited upon the Egyptians – but it is election season as well, and they are prepared to do their civic duty and vote.

Unfortunately, as part of a ‘Pharisee Voter Suppression’ movement, they are required to vote in person, and must travel to the precinct of their birth, Bethlehem, PA. After successfully passing a C19 Rapid test, they don their masks, board their donkey, and strike out.

Upon arrival, Mary’s water breaks and labor begins. The recent virus spike occupies all the rooms in the local hospital; even the field tent that had been constructed nearby is full. Further complicating their situation, the Evil Supreme Court justice from South Bend has stolen their health insurance, so their last resort is a neighbor’s garage.

It is not yet understood that barnyard animals and family pets are ‘super spreaders’ so they are allowed to remain. Due to CDC restrictions however, Joseph must wait in the neighbor’s ‘man cave’, along with the internet start-up headquartered in the garage.

A passing cab driver is recruited to handle the delivery, and everything goes smoothly. The Baby is happy and healthy. The cabbie nicknames Him the ‘Newborn King’; Mary names Him Jesus after a favorite cousin in Miami, passing over Joseph’s cousin Elvis.

Because the choir of Angels has recently been exposed to a Saint who was C19 positive, the celebratory music is provided by Spotify. 

The newborn King is also honored by the Little Drummer Boy, performing via Zoom. Due to account time constraints, his performance is cut short, but they truly believe he did his best for them.

As part of issuing a birth certificate, a C19 nose swab and paternity test are conducted. Both are negative – the latter being something doctors had never seen, remaining unique to this day.

Three wise MAGA men set out to see the newborn, but are stopped at the border wall for inspection. One wise man’s temperature reading is too high, so he is sent to quarantine and banned from Twitter. The other wise men proceed forward, after providing their contact details and under FBI surveillance.

They bring gifts for the baby, but are required to wipe them down with antiseptic before entering, which makes the myrrh a little sloppy.

The Evil MAGA leader believes Joseph and Mary have voted twice, and tweets a bounty on their heads. The family flees to Delaware, where they meet a kind, but confused, old man, who shouts his offer to help. However, upon learning they have wealthy relatives, he levies a tax upon them.

They ask for his help in getting to DC, but he is unwilling to leave his basement. He does recommend using Amtrak, his favorite – “they even have an ‘Olde Fashioned Ice Cream’ car!”

After convincing Amtrak their donkey is a service animal, they arrive in DC by train.

Fortunately for the new parents, their second vote turns out to have been intended for JFK in 1960, and is stored in a car trunk in Chicago for posterity. Reassured, the Evil Leader tweets they are good to go.  But not in quite those words.

They move to DC, and based upon his father’s advice to find a career that is recession proof, Joseph lands a job in Government. Their son takes up a trade and becomes a carpenter. He hopes to benefit from infrastructure projects, but the Aging Leaders can’t agree on the details, so his work is irregular, forcing Him to live at home until his early 30s.

What happens next is a subject for another post – – and a whole lot of Easter sermons.

For 140 more posts like this –each with a church built for Christmas – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or, at the site, leave a comment on this post, and then check the box that says “Please notify me of future posts” and you will be sent the newest Sunday update automatically.  

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Or just forward this to everyone you know. Forward it to those you aren’t fond of twice.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENTOF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Glastonbury Song  The Waterboys

I dreamed myself from the sultry plains
To the old green square back in old Maybole
Rode the wind up to Stornaway
Paused at the peak, pacified my soul
Caught the bus in the fairy fort
Made it to the mansion on the Boyne
See I come around to the ancient ways
I took a tip from the buddha boy
I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god where he always was
We came down from the hill of dreams
Bernadette, mother earth and you and me
Through Carraroe, down the wildwood side
Blinding our eyes in the shallow seas
Drank fire with the King of the Blues
Plugged in to the medicine way
Took a long last look at Crazy Horse
Push now for a golden age
I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god where he always was
I found myself on the roof of the world
Just waiting for to get my wings
Strange angel in the changing light
Said “Brother, you forgot something”
My heart beat from the inside out
So lucky just to be alive
Can you tell what I’m talking about?
Any day now the sun’s gonna rise
I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god
(I just found god)
Yeah, I just found god where he always was
Hey, you just found god where he always was

There is a green hill far away
I’m going back there one fine day
There is a green hill far away
I’m going back there one fine day
There is a green hill far away
I’m going back there one fine day
There is a green hill far away
I’m going back there one fine day
One fine day
One fine day
One fine day

Cry of a tiny babe  Bruce Cockburn

Mary grows a child without the help of a man
Joseph gets upset because he doesn’t understand
Angel comes to Joseph in a powerful dream
Says “God did this, and you’re part of his scheme”
Joseph comes to Mary with his hat in his hand
Says, “Forgive me, I thought you’d been with some other man”
She say, “What if I had been? But I wasn’t anyway
And guess what? I felt the baby kick today”

[Chorus]
Like a stone on the surface of a still river
Driving the ripples on forever
Redemption rips through the surface of time
In the cry of a tiny babe

[Verse 2]
The child is born in the fullness of time
Three wise astrologers take note of the signs
Come to pay their respects to the fragile little king
Get pretty close to wrecking everything
‘Cause the governing body of the Holy Land
Is that of Herod, a paranoid man
Who when he hears there’s a baby born King of the Jews
Sends death squads to kill all male children under two
But that same bright angel warns the parents in a dream
And they head out for the border and get away clean

[Chorus]
Like a stone on the surface of a still river
Driving the ripples on forever
Redemption rips through the surface of time
In the cry of a tiny babe

[Verse 3]
And there are others who know about this miracle birth
The humblest of people catch a glimpse of their worth
For it isn’t to the palace that the Christ child comes
But to shepherds and street people, hookers and bums
And the message is clear if you have ears to hear
That forgiveness is given for your guilt and your fears
It’s a Christmas gift that you don’t have to buy
There’s a future shining in a baby’s eye

[Chorus]
Like a stone on the surface of a still river
Driving the ripples on forever
Redemption rips through the surface of time
In the cry of a tiny babe
Like a stone on the surface of a still river
Driving the ripples on forever
Redemption rips through the surface of time
In the cry of a tiny babe

A Hundred Thousand Angels   Sinead O’ Connor

Do you hear me calling you,
the voice of a mother
and a father and a child.
Would you recognize the truth,
do you feel the love that’s falling
from my eyes ?

Take just a minute,
come and rest you by my side.
Let me tell you your own story,
let me walk you through your life.
Only a second,

is all it takes to realise,
there’s a hundred thousand angels by your side.

Do you hear me talk to you,
I whisper through doorways
and pathways of your mind.
Clear like the morning dew
and fresh from my journey
cross an ocean of blue…

Take just a minute,
come and rest you by my side.
Let me tell you your own story,
let me walk you through your life,
only a second is all it takes to realize,
there’s a hundred thousand angels by your side

And the Angels Sing  Benny Goodman

We meet and the angels sing
The angels sing the sweetest song I ever heard
We speak and the angels sing
Or am I reading music into every word

Suddenly the setting is strange
I can see water and moonlight beaming
Silver waves that break on some undiscovered shore

Then suddenly I see it all change
Long winter nights with the candles gleaming
Through it all, your face that I adore

You smile and the angels sing
And though it’s just a gentle murmur at the start
We kiss and the angels sing
And leave there music ringing in my heart

You smile and the angels sing
And though it’s just a gentle murmur at the start
We kiss and the angels sing
And leave there music ringing in my heart

Christmas Must be tonight  The Band

Come down to the manger, see the little stranger
Wrapped in swaddling clothes, the prince of peace
The wheels start turning, torches start burning
And behold, wise men journey from the east

How a little Baby Boy bring the people so much joy
Son of a carpenter, Mary carried the light
This must be Christmas, must be tonight

A shepherd on the hillside, where over my flock I abide
On a cold winter night, a band of Angels sing
In a dream, I heard a voice say, “Fear not, come rejoice
It’s the end of the beginning, praise the new born King”

How a little Baby Boy bring the people so much joy
Son of a carpenter, Mary carried the light
This must be Christmas, must be tonight

Saw it with my own eyes, written up in the skies
But why a simple herdsmen such as I?
And then it came to pass, he was born at last
Right below the star that shines on high

How a little Baby Boy bring the people so much joy
Son of a carpenter, Mary carried the light
This must be Christmas, must be tonight
Son of a carpenter, Mary carried the light
This must be Christmas, must be tonight
Be tonight, be tonight
Be tonight, be tonight
Be tonight, be tonight
Be tonight