Our relationships succeed or fail based on how we handle our differences.
My Captor and I are currently waging an A/C ‘struggle’, with the thermostats being re-set in our house hundreds of times a day.
The struggle is over only about 2-4 degrees, but I guess that’s what the Korean War was about, so maybe it’s bigger than I think.
My Captor likes it a bit cooler than I do, and of late the difference has been narrowed to a single degree; next we head to arbitration.
We’ve each behaved stealthily, and no harsh words have been exchanged, which has been our multi-decade approach to conflict resolution.
My shtick is feigning indifference to the heat. When anyone says “Man, its hot”, I reply “We live near the equator, what do you expect?” or “Supposed to be – maybe you’re just a bit of a sweater”. Adding, “And who are you calling man?”
While I ride in the car with my window open if the temp is below 103, My Captor is always fiddling with the A/C controls and vents trying to get ‘cold air out of a turnip’ – I also utilize colorful colloquialisms in the struggle.
As an aside, I’m noticing many of our generation’s colloquialisms are expiring; I used “Six of one, half dozen of the other” and it confused my son. Or maybe it’s just his fear of math. And he totally didn’t understand “That’s harder than giving a dog a hickey”.
My Captor’s shtick – a very effective one I might add – is “Are you trying to kill me? I can’t bake when its this hot.”
A/C control can be a surrogate for a lot of issues.
And couples have varying styles of difference resolution. We’ve all known couples who:
Fight/bicker their way to happiness. Not always comfortable to be around; when we go out to dinner with the ‘Snipersons’ we request separate – but nearby – tables so we don’t have to listen.
Survive through business travel, limiting together time. You can spot these couples on the beach, seated 30 feet apart.
Have ‘physical contact’ relationships – you know, the hand holding, PDA, pet nickname types. Actually, at this point in our lives we don’t know anyone like that. Back in the day, these were ‘physical extortion’ relationships, evidenced by that ‘bitchin’ new mini-van’ in the driveway.
Survive through economics: Staying together because they can’t afford to live apart.
Kids today (shakes fist angrily!) live in fear of ‘microaggressions’, those little irritants of daily life that we used to ignore, that now mean retreating to a ‘safe space’, where one does not have to feel afraid.
Examples include being looked in the eye, IDed at a club, having a door opened for you – all those things that aren’t quite civil rights violations, but can be truly terrifying.
In our day, the only safe space we needed was a bar.
But I believe My Captor is waging her own microaggression campaign to distract me from the thermostats.
For a week she cooked bland foods, and tried to convince me I had lost my sense of taste – long covid!
When we Wordle, she always suggests the letter zorg, which I know won’t work because I’ve already tried it.
She switches out my khaki shorts from smaller waist to larger, making me think I’m slimming down. She then switches them back…
She mixes dirty dishes with clean in the dishwasher. But that could just be an honest mistake.
I dread turning on the heat this winter…
But for now, things are good. I substituted real THC for our CBD gummies, and I’ve never seen My Captor so mellow.
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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
Cold, Cold, Cold/Tripe Face Boogie Little Feat
Cold, cold, cold
Freezing, it was freezing in that hotel
I had no money, my special friend was gone
The tv set was busted so she went along
I called room, room service,
I’m down here on my knees
I said a peach or a pear, or a coconut please,
But they was cold
Well it’s been a month since i seen my girl
Or a dime to make the call
‘Cause it passed me up, or it passed me by,
Or i couldn’t decide at all
And i’m mixed up, i’m so mixed up
Don’t you know i’m lonely
All the things i had to do
I had to fall in love
You know she’s cold
Cold, cold, cold
Cold, cold, cold
That woman is freezing, freezing cold
Well i tried everything to warm her up
Now i’m living in this cold hotel
‘Cause she passed me, up or she passed me by,
Or i couldn’t decide at all
And i’m mixed up, i’m so mixed up
Don’t you know i’m lonely
Of all the things i had to do
I had to fall in love
You know she’s cold
Turn your clock back woman when you see me comin’ round
My feet don’t, feet don’t even touch the ground
Yah, ya know she’s cold
Oh she’s cold (cold)
Ya know she’s cold (cold)
Know she’s cold (cold)
Cold (cold, cold, cold)
Buffaloed in buffalo
And i was entertained in houston
New york, yew nork, you got to choose one
Cause it’s a tripe face boogie
Going to boogie my sneakers away
Well i don’t want your money
And i don’t want your time
Please don’t tripe me honey
And i’ll give you back your dime
It’s a hype face boogie
Going to boogie my sneakers away
Now i don’t dig potato chips
And i can’t dig torts
But you can tripe my guacamole baby (it’s a guaca)
Tripe my shorts
‘Cause it’s a hype case boogie gonna boogie my scruples away
Hype boogie, tripe boogie, hype boogie
All night long
You bring your guitar, i’ll bring the wine
Gonna tripe my guacamole baby just a one more time
Cause it’s a tripe face boogie
I said look out!
Give tripe face his way
I said lookout!
Give tripe face his day
I said lookout!
Warm Beer and Cold Women Tom Waits
Warm beer and cold women, I just don’t fit in
Every joint I stumbled into tonight
That’s just how it’s been
All these double knit strangers with
Gin and vermouth and recycled stories
In the naugahyde booths
With the platinum blondes
And tobacco brunettes
I’ll be drinkin’ to forget you
Lite another cigarette
And the band’s playin’ something
By Tammy Wynette
And the drinks are on me tonight
All my conversations I’ll just be
Talkin’ about you baby
Borin’ some sailor as I try to get through
I just want him to listen
That’s all you have to do
He said I’m better off without you
Till I showed him my tattoo
Now the moon’s rising
Ain’t got no time to lose
Time to get down to drinking
Tell the band to play the blues
Drink’s are on me, I’ll buy another round
At the last ditch attempt saloon
Warm beer and cold women, I just don’t fit in
Every joint I stumbled into tonight
That’s just how it’s been
All these double knit strangers with
Gin and vermouth and recycled stories
In the naugahyde booths
With the platinum blondes
And tobacco brunettes
I’ll be drinking to forget you
Lite another cigarette
And the band’s playing somethin’
By Johnnie Barnett
And the drinks are on me tonight
Cold Shot Stevie Ray Vaughn
Once was a sweet thing, baby
Held that love in our hands
But now I reach to kiss your lips
It just don’t mean a thing
And that’s a cold shot, baby
Yeah that’s a drag
A cold shot, baby
I’ve let our love go bad
Remember the way that you loved me
Do anything I say
Now I see you out somewhere
You won’t give me the time of day
And that’s a cold shot, oh
Yeah that’s a drag
That’s a cold shot, baby
We’d better learn from that
I really meant I was sorry
For ever causing you pain
You showed your appreciation
By walking out anyway
And that’s a cold shot, baby
Yeah that’s a drag
That’s a cold shot, baby
We’d better learn from that
So sad
Too bad
So sad
The Ice of Boston Dismemberment Plan
Don’t let our true love run cold
Pop open a bottle of bubbly, yeah
Here’s to another goddamn new year
And outside, two million drunk Bostonians
Are getting ready to sing “Auld Lang Syne” out of tune
I sit there in my easy chair
Looking at the clouds, orange with celebration
And I wonder if you’re out there
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
I slip on it every time
Pop open the third bottle of bubbly
Yeah, and I take that bottle of champagne
Go into the kitchen, stand in front of the kitchen window
And I take all my clothes off, take that bottle of champagne
And I pour it on my head, feel it cascade through my hair
And across my chest, and the phone rings
And it’s my mother
And she says “Hi honey, how’s Boston?”
And I stand there, all alone on New Year’s Eve
Buck naked, drenched in champagne, looking at a bunch of strangers
Uh, looking at them, looking at me, looking at them, and I say
“Oh, I’m fine Mom, how’s Washington?”
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time, yeah
So I guess the party line is I followed you up here
Well, I don’t know about that
Mainly because knowing about that would involve knowing about some pathetic
Ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself
That I’d rather not admit to right now
I woke up at three AM with the radio on
That Gladys Knight and the Pips song on
About how she’d rather live in his world with him
Than live in her own world alone
And I lay there, head spinning, trying to fall asleep
And I thought to myself “Oh, Gladys, girl, I love you but, oh, get a life!”
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
I slip on it every time
Hey! The ice of Boston is muddy
And reflects no light, in day or night
And I slip on it every time, time, time, time
If we make it through December
Everything’s gonna be all right, I know
It’s the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the fallin’ snow
If we make it through December Merle Haggard
If we make it through December
Got plans of bein in a warmer town come summer time
Maybe even California
If we make it through December, we’ll be fine
Got laid off down at the factory
And their timing’s not the greatest in the world
Heaven knows I been workin’ hard
Wanted Christmas to be right for daddy’s girl
I don’t mean to hate December
It’s meant to be the happy time of year
And my little girl don’t understand
Why daddy can’t afford no Christmas here
If we make it through December
Everything’s gonna be alright, I know
It’s the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the fallin’ snow
If we make it through December
Got plans of bein’ in a warmer town come summer time
Maybe even California
If we make it through December, we’ll be fine